Sexual Purity

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

Last night at Bible study, we discussed sexual purity.  Here is an overview of our discussion:

1)  The Motivation for Sexual Purity

Some common reasons that are given for abstaining from sex are:

• to avoid getting pregnant
• to avoid getting an STD (or an STI)
• to avoid heartbreak
• You shouldn’t give your heart and body away to more than one person
• Your virginity is your gift to your husband
• Sex was meant only for husbands and wives
• God would be displeased if you had sex outside of marriage

These are all good reasons.  These are all true.  But, they are not the ultimate reason!

2)  The Gospel Applied to Sexual Purity

Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 6:12-20.  Here are some questions for personal reflection:

• Looking at verse 12, what do we have in common with the Corinthians?
• What implications does v. 13b have?
• How can we apply verses 15 & 16 to our lives?
• What is the promise of v. 17?  What does this mean for us?
• Why are we told to “Flee from sexual immorality”? (v. 17, 18b)
• Why is it worse to “sin against your own body”? (v. 18b)
• Do you see v. 19 as being restrictive or as an honor?
• Why are we to honor God with our bodies?
• Do you see the Gospel in these verses?  Where?

3)  My Story

When I was a teenager, a speaker told us that if we ever find ourselves in a physically intimate situation, we should just picture God being in the room.  His point was that it would be hard to be sexually immoral with God right in the room, watching over you.

Looking back, I think this word of caution was more harmful than helpful.  It made me feel shameful and guilty, instead of helping me understand that the true motivation for purity is to honor and glorify God.  This caution did not get at the heart of the problem.

Sexual purity is more than just an exercise in human discipline.  Sexual purity comes from a true understanding of who God is, what He has done for us, and our relationship to him.

• Who is God?  (Father who loves and cares for us)
• What has He done for us?  (Sent His son to die for us, the pure sacrifice in our place)
• Who are we in relationship to Him?  (adopted, redeemed, forgiven, thankful heirs, ambassadors, chosen people, dearly beloved)

Because of the Gospel, because of God’s abounding love and grace, the Holy Spirit cultivates a heart of gratitude.  He cultivates a desire to honor our Father, who has given us such good gifts.

How to honor your Father:  Recognize that your body is not your own.

• You have been bought with a price.
• Your body is the temple for the living God.
• Your body is a vessel meant for God’s glory

So, out of love and gratitude, not out of shame and guilt, we remain sexually pure.  Sexuality is not meant to be tied to shame.  Sexuality is a good, delightful, and desirable thing, but we need to express it within the bounds of marriage to honor God.  We should see our sexuality as a way to honor the Lord, not as something to feel ashamed or embarrassed about.

4)  For Further Thought

• Pray for your sexual purity.  Pray about your desires.  Bring your love life under Christ’s control.

Here are some verses to consider:

1 Corinthians 6:12-20, Philippians 1:27, 1 Timothy 4:12, Romans 6:19, Colossians 3:5, 1 Thessalonians 4:7, Galations 5, Ephesians 4:17-24

• Decide on physical boundaries:  Boundaries are a matter of conscience, motivation, and heart, BUT remember:

Sin’s Stronghold:

•     The World:  Tells us it’s okay to have sex (movies, music, friends, etc.)
•     The Flesh:  Sex or physical intimacy feels good, is exciting and enticing
•     The Devil:  Tempts us to push physical boundaries, as long as it’s not sex;  Shows us that other Christians are experimenting sexually

5)  Hope and Assurance

Remember, even if you struggle with purity (mentally or physically) our God is sure to forgive and to strengthen you.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
1 John 1:9 (NIV)

 

My Life is Not My Own

My Life is Not My Own – Applying the Gospel to our Lives
HS Beach Retreat, Sept. 23-25, 2011

When I think about the Gospel applied to my life, I have no choice but to look back upon my life and see how I have been transformed. To see the transformation in my life is the proof of how powerful the Gospel truly is.

When I look back at my 16-year-old self, I remember a girl who was shy, insecure, always worried about what other people thought of her. I was a girl who thought she was invisible, that no boy would ever notice her, let alone want to date or marry her. I was a girl who was completely and utterly preoccupied with myself. I went through my day thinking thoughts like, “How do I look?”, “Did she just look at my zit as we were talking?”, “How could anyone not like me? I’m just a nice girl”, “Oh! He spoke to me! I wonder if he likes me!”… etc.

I think as girls, we are specifically prone to over-analyzing and over-thinking things – including ourselves. If we aren’t careful, we can begin to act like the world revolves around us, which is exactly what my teenage thoughts reveal. I really thought that I was so important and I mattered so much that I should dominate my own thoughts. I was preoccupied with my insecurities, as so many girls are.

Now, I am not saying we aren’t unique or that we aren’t special. But what exactly makes us unique? The fact that we are made in the image of God is what makes us special. So even our “specialness” has its root in God, not in ourselves. I have worth because of who created me and because of who I belong to. I have worth because I belong to God.  Or as Pastor Ted has said, “Who I am is dependent by whose I am.”

This is what has transformed me. The power of the knowledge that I belong to God. My life is not my own. I do not exist to be noticed by other people for my appearance or my wit or my knowledge or my charm. I exist to glorify God. Period. What a glorious calling! What a great reason to be alive! I get to glorify my creator who loved me enough that He sent His perfect son to die on the cross, in an undeserved death, so that I might live and have everlasting glory!

Galatians 2:19-20
English Standard Version (ESV)
19For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. 20I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

It does not say, “I live by faith in myself”. No, we live by faith in the Son of God. The Son who died for us when He didn’t have to. The perfect, spotless lamb died to save me.

So, how has this transformed me? I wish I could say that I no longer worry about my appearance or if I’m being noticed by people around me. This is simply not true. However, the amount of time I spend dwelling on these things has significantly decreased. The Holy Spirit has truly transformed me and has clearly freed me from so much of my worry, my pain, my feelings of unworthiness. He has freed me to be others-focused, to be service-minded, to be loving and compassionate, instead of self-loving.

Resting in the knowledge that “I am not my own” can free us from sins like: pride, selfishness, depression, conceit, vanity, jealousy, eating disorders, self-mutilation, and suicidal thoughts. The root problem of these sins is “self-centeredness”. The distortion of who we are can lead us to think too highly of ourselves (pride, selfishness, conceit, vanity) or too lowly of ourselves (depression, jealousy, eating disorders, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts). These sins plague many people, but seem to be heightened during the teenage years. But, the Lord our God is faithful. He will not leave us nor forsake us. God does not leave us hopelessly centered on ourselves. He has paid for our sins and forgiven us. And now we can live lives that are free from the burden of living for ourselves. We can be free of the burdens of our indwelling sin, which is truly transformative.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
English Standard Version (ESV)
19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I am not my own. I am, in fact, the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. I no longer have to think of myself as “too ugly” or “too fat” or “not worthy”. Also, I no longer think of myself as “better than her”. I am the vessel who was fearfully and wonderfully made to serve God and honor him through my life and with my body.

Practical application: Stewardship of our lives

• Why is it good news that “I am not my own”?
• What areas of your life are in need of the transforming power of the Gospel?
• In what areas of your life are you holding onto control or being “me-centered”?
• Since you belong to God, what does it look like to be a steward of your life and body? (Especially as a girl/female)
• How has the Gospel already transformed you?

The Gospel

Recently our youth group was challenged to share the gospel with a group of middle school campers as we served them in a dinning hall.  It was an amazing experience to be able to share our faith so boldly and intentionally.  Here’s a synopsis of what we shared.

1. “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” 1 Timothy 1:15b.
2. “I am a great sinner & He is a great savior,” John Newton.
3. The Passive & Active Obedience of Christ; the Passive Obedience being Christ suffering and dying for our sins, and the Active Obedience being the perfect life He lived so that we don’t have to.
4. The Order Salutis (The Order of Salvation):

• Effectual Calling
• Regeneration
• Saving Faith
• Repentance
• Justification
• Adoption
• Sanctification
• Perseverance
• Glorification

Feel free to post if you have questions or comments.

Heidelberg Catechism Rap Song

I love that Reformed Theology is cropping up in rap these days through rappers like Lecrae and Curtis Allen.  Have a listen (the words are posted as well)

The First Ever Rap Song About the Heidelberg Catechism.

People Will See Me

The expulsion of Adam and Eve from Eden by Masaccio

On Saturday we dove into chapter 2 of When People are Big and God is Small, which is titled “People Will See Me”.  This chapter addresses the first of three reasons that Scripture gives us for why we fear people.  Fearing that people will see us is a powerful motivator for feeling shameful, hiding behind walls, and for being self-involved.

In this chapter, Welch discusses shame, which he asserts is the Christian version of having low self-esteem.  Shame has its roots in the creation story (Genesis 3:7).  After having sinned, Adam and Eve realized for the first time that they were naked and they were ashamed.  We, too, feel ashamed of our symbolic nakedness (our sin and our lack of covering before God).  On page 28 of his book, Welch writes,

Shame, and its feeling of disgrace before God and others, surfaces in our culture as low self-esteem, with its feelings of worthlessness… The only difference is that our word “shame” still retains the idea that we are shamed before God as well as before other people, while self-esteem is seen as strictly a problem between ourselves and other people, or a problem just within ourselves.

While the world tries to fix the problem of low self-esteem through adoration, approval, and compliments (all of which are often unearned), we as Christians must see this as empty and only a band aide whose adhesive will eventually cease to work.  “The problem is that we really are not okay,” Welch writes. “There is no reason why we should feel great about ourselves. We truly are deficient,” (p. 29).  Put simply, we are sinful.  We are not okay.  We are undeserving of adoration and compliments.  And when that is what we are living for, we are bound to be self-involved and prideful.

Covering shame creeps up in many parts of our lives, whether we try to cover it by wearing certain clothing, showing off our abilities, bragging about our accomplishments, or gossiping.  Welch relates this to the common metaphor of hiding behind walls.  He says these walls could be made out of money, fame, accomplishments, etc.  Yet, “nothing man-made, however, can truly cover shame,” (p. 30).  Our sin will always leave us feeling exposed and fearful, unless we turn it over to Christ.

Even though we try to hide our sinful acts, we try to spy on everyone else’s. “Spying”, as Welch calls it, could mean looking through someone’s photo album on facebook, or being a fault finder.  It basically refers to being concerned with the actions of others, in order to justify your own actions, feel less isolated/alone, and/or to find someone to look up to. Seeing the mistakes and failings of others can help us feel normal and help us to justify our sins.

Hiding and spying are both symptoms of fearing man.  We are all guilty of these things.  But, the good news is: Jesus has already covered all our sins!  And the adhesive of His covering will never cease to work!  “The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them,” (p. 34).  Even though we sin, are ashamed, try to hide from others and from God, and try to spy on those around us, our sins are forgiven! 

So… what does this mean??  It means that through prayer, petition, and by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, He can free you from your sins.  He can free you from the guilt and the shame, as well.  Confess your sins to the Lord and ask Him to purify your heart, to cleanse your motives, and to change your actions.

This sanctifying process of turning to the Lord is just the beginning of becoming freed from the fear of man.

Reading the Word

Last night I read Galations 1-4:7 and wanted to share this with you:  “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me,” (Gal. 2:19-20).

Let this be an encouragement to you- that you no longer live, but Christ lives in you.  And through faith we live for God.  Let God guide your steps and speak to your heart through your reading of the word, so that you may truly die to yourself and live for your Lord.

I will be praying for you girls, that God will come alive to you through the word this week.  Feel free to respond to this post with thoughts about the verses you are reading, and maybe start a discussion

When People are Big and God is Small, Part 1

Do you fear man?

Last time we met, we started our new study series on the book When People are Big and God is Small, by Edward T. Welch.  This book is about “overcoming peer pressure, codependency, and the fear of man” and is a life-changing book.  Several times in Bible study, we have discussed issues regarding relationships and desiring a boyfriend or desiring to be noticed by others.  This book gets at the heart issues that are the root of these desires.  During the next several Bible studies, hopefully you will all learn to surrender your desires, fears, and anxieties in order to live a God-honoring life with an audience of one (as Pastor Rip would say.)

If you are anything like me, or Edward T. Welch, you have experienced times of insecurity, fear, and anxiety all due to worrying about what other people think of you.  In chapter one, Welch tells a story of when he was in high school and did not want to win an award for fear of having to go up on stage, talk in front of the crowd, and knowing that some people would feel he didn’t deserve the award.  Then, when he didn’t win the award, instead of feeling relieved, he felt equally anxious, worrying that people would now think he was a loser!  Oh, how fickle the human heart can be!

Well, I am sure you all can relate to that story in one way or another.  Like it or not, fearing man is a universal problem.  Welch posed some questions that can help you identify the areas of your life where you are fearing man:

• Have you ever struggled with peer pressure?
• Are you over-committed or a people-pleaser?
• Do you “need” the respect of people around you?
• Is self-esteem a critical concern for you?
• Do you ever feel you might be exposed as an impostor?
• Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think?
• Do you experience “love hunger”?
• Do you get easily embarrassed?
• Do you ever lie, especially the little white lies?
• Are you jealous, angry, or depressed?
• Do you avoid people?
• Do you think you are above all of these questions and they don’t relate to you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then that means you are experiencing the fear of man.

In Bible study, we discussed how these issues keep us enslaved and in bondage.  If you were not able to join us, I would encourage you to spend some time journaling about the following questions:

1. In what ways do you fear man?
2. What are some of your common, daily thoughts that show you are fearing man?  (ex:  I can’t go say “hi” to her because she might think I’m weird.)
3. How does the fear of man ensnare you or hold you in bondage?

I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of When People are Big and God is Small and start letting it convict, and then transform, you.  Please read chapters 1-3 before we meet next time.

Challenge:  Memorize Proverbs 29:25, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

The Perils of Hipster Christianity and Why Young Evangelicals Reject Churches That Try To Be Cool – WSJ.com

The Perils of Hipster Christianity and Why Young Evangelicals Reject Churches That Try To Be Cool – WSJ.com.

Read and discuss.

What have you been learning lately?

Lessons from God

God seems to be doing great things in all of our lives lately.  Whether it is something you’ve learned from the Mexico mission trip, a book you’ve been reading, youth group/Sunday school, or even from watering your flower seed, take a few minutes to share with us what God has been teaching you “…that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith,” Romans 1:12.

The Growth of a Seed

Last time we met for Bible study, we talked about waiting for God’s timing.  Often it is very difficult to wait for God’s timing when we have different desires and plans for our lives.  It is especially hard for high school girls to wait for things like: a boyfriend, college, a driver’s license, or even to be in the next grade level.  However, we all need to remember that God has a perfect plan for our lives.

To be encouraged in our waiting, we can look at a simple seed that has been planted in the ground or in a pot.  When we plant a seed, we do not see the flower sprout for a while.  Yet, we need to water it, fertilize it, and make sure it gets enough sun in order for the seed to grow into a healthy flower.  It is our job to nurture and to care for that seed, even though all we can see is mud!  The promise is that the seed will one day sprout and it will continue to grow and mature and show us its beauty.  That beauty could not be achieved, however, without first spending a period of time hidden in the dirt.

It is the same with our lives.  God is working in our hearts to mold us, nurture us, and help us mature into Christ-like women.  God has planted many seeds for our lives and as we learn and experience more, those seeds are being fed and nurtured and will one day sprout into the fruit we desire- maybe a boyfriend, maybe going away to college, and maybe even something you haven’t even dreamed of yet!  But, the beauty of becoming more independent, moving out, getting married, and so on, cannot be achieved until we have been made ready for it by God’s work in our lives.

Your time will come.  God has many plans for your life.  Even if it feels like your dreams and desires are so far away in the future, be encouraged by the little, hidden seed in the dirt.  As its roots and leaves and petals are growing, remember that yours are too!

Remember Abraham and Sarah and how long they had to wait for a son?  Yet, God still kept His promise to them.  And, He will keep His promises to you as well.  Take a look at the following Bible passages to see what God has promised for your life:

• Proverbs 3:5-6
• Jeremiah 29:11
• Matthew 6:25-34
• Ephesians 1:11-12
• Philippians 4:6-7

I hope you are encouraged by these passages and that you will remember that God is always working in your life.  If you are anxious or worried about something and are finding it hard to wait for God’s timing, I encourage you to lift it up to God by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving.  Turn it over to God and ask that He will help you submit to His timing.

Reflection Questions:

1. What dreams and desires do you need to give up to God?
2. What has God already done in your life and what is the evident fruit?
3. What can you do in your life to continue to grow and become more mature in your faith?